The Parental Beatitudes

I've read some interesting academic discussions lately about whether parenting makes you happy. Renowned economist Daniel Kahneman led many to conclude parenting makes one unhappy based on his study of working mothers in 2004, in which he asked participants to rate how happy they were doing various tasks throughout their days. Lo and behold, mothers reported childcare-related activities did not bring them much utility. Based on a series of studies of parents (men and women), Sonja Lyubomirsky recently argued in her book The Myths of Happiness that folks are overall happier who have kids, despite the fact that they may not necessarily be at the heights of joy while performing childcare-related activities. She argues that parents report having more meaning in their lives, making them happier.

All this begs the question - what does it really mean to be happy? As I read these studies, there is some debate about what happiness is. Is it the feeling you experience moment-to-moment, or is it a steady state of overall life satisfaction? Much of the academic debate about whether parenthood makes one happy comes down to whether one is referring to that in-the-moment feeling or an overall sense of purpose and meaning. I was pondering this question just this morning as I struggled to get Anna down for a morning nap. I could interpret this experience of watching her fight sleep, whining and fussing in my arms, as incredibly frustrating. Or I could interpret this experience as an opportunity to comfort a suffering, helpless person. My interpretation of that event would determine whether this activity made me "happy."

As I pondered this, I thought of Jesus's famous teaching on happiness known as the beatitudes. Jesus basically tells us that those who society thinks are cursed - the weak, poor and suffering - are actually those who are most blessed. In other words, what is meaningful in life is not necessarily the same as what brings a person happiness in that in-the-moment sense of the word. I personally think all the academic discussion of whether parenting makes one happy reflects a very American notion that the pursuit of our own individual happiness is what matters in life. I'm convinced that the pursuit of feeling good isn't what matters in life - that's just hedonism.

Thus, I present:

The Parental Beatitudes

Photo by everdred

Blessed are the 9-months pregnant women, for they are about to bring life into the world.

Blessed are the parents feeding their children, for they are nourishing.

Blessed are the parents changing diapers, for they are cleansing another's most vulnerable parts.

Blessed are the parents of colicky babies, for they learn to comfort.

Blessed are the parents up every few hours nightly, for they have endurance.

Blessed are the parents of a tantruming toddler, for they attain self-control.

Blessed are the parents gently disciplining, for they are character builders.

Blessed are the parents of a hurting child, for they are healers of wounds.